Why Your Partner Is Walking All Over You: The Balance of Power, Love, and Justice in Relationships
Most of us long for relationships where we feel valued, respected, and deeply connected. Yet many people find themselves in dynamics where they feel unseen, unheard, or even taken advantage of. You might say to yourself: “Why does my partner keep walking all over me?”
The answer often lies in an imbalance of three essential components in any healthy relationship: power, love, and justice.
The Role of Power in Relationships
In psychology, power represents each person’s ability to assert themselves—their desires, wants, and needs—within the relationship. Power isn’t inherently negative. In fact, it is the foundation of human agency and autonomy (Hargrave, 2012).
When power is used in healthy ways, both partners can express their individuality while remaining connected. But when power is used without love or justice, it often becomes self-serving—leaving one partner dominating, while the other feels diminished.
Love: Essential, But Not Always Enough
Of course, love is central to any meaningful relationship. Love provides care, empathy, and acceptance. But here’s the paradox: love on its own is not enough to sustain relationship satisfaction.
Clinical research shows that partners who prioritize love but neglect their own power or justice often experience burnout, resentment, or loss of self-worth (Markman, Stanley, & Blumberg, 2010). Blind acceptance without boundaries can mean tolerating harmful behavior or remaining in a relationship that stifles growth.
In other words, love without power and justice can actually become detrimental to your well-being.
Justice: The Give and Take of Relationships
Justice in relationships refers to fairness—the ongoing give-and-take between partners. Ideally, this exchange is balanced and mutually satisfying.
But when justice is misapplied, it can devolve into punishment, retribution, or revenge. One partner may give only to receive, or demand repayment for perceived slights. This dynamic quickly erodes trust and intimacy, replacing collaboration with competition.
As marriage researcher John Gottman often notes, resentment is one of the strongest predictors of relationship breakdown. Without justice, relationships tend to spiral into cycles of bitterness rather than growth.
Why the Balance Matters
The theory of Restoration Therapy (Hargrave & Pfitzer, 2011) emphasizes that relational health depends on the integration of power, love, and justice. Each element matters, but when they exist in isolation, they can harm rather than heal.
Power without love or justice → domination, control, selfishness.
Love without power or justice → passivity, loss of self, enabling.
Justice without love or power → retribution, coldness, resentment.
If you feel your partner is walking all over you, chances are you may be over-functioning in love while under-utilizing power and justice.
What This Means for You
To restore balance in your relationship:
Use your power wisely – Practice asserting your needs and desires clearly. This is not selfish; it is necessary for mutual respect.
Keep love at the center – Show empathy, compassion, and kindness—but not at the expense of your own well-being.
Seek justice in the give-and-take – Reflect on whether you are giving and receiving in relatively equal measure. Healthy relationships involve mutual sacrifice and support, not one-sided effort.
Some couples can work this out on their own through intentional conversations. Others may need the guidance of a therapist who can help identify and rebalance these dynamics.
Final Thought
If you’ve been wondering why your partner seems to walk all over you, it may not be about their personality or even your “fault.” Instead, it may be about the imbalance of power, love, and justice within the relationship.
True intimacy requires all three. Love provides connection, power provides agency, and justice ensures fairness. When these are in balance, couples not only feel closer—they feel stronger, respected, and secure.
References:
Hargrave, T. D. (2012). Families and forgiveness: Healing wounds in the intergenerational family. Routledge.
Hargrave, T. D., & Pfitzer, F. (2011). Restoration Therapy: Understanding and guiding healing in marriage and family therapy. Routledge.
Markman, H. J., Stanley, S. M., & Blumberg, S. L. (2010). Fighting for your marriage. John Wiley & Sons.
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony.
