Workplace Conflict—Here’s How to Navigate It
Plenty of people go to therapy seeking guidance and support on how to cope with workplace conflict and stay sane, employed, and off of the news.
No matter what level of your career you reach, you can and likely will experience conflict. But there is good news; you can be prepared to bring resolution to the conflict in the workplace. It's something that can serve as an invaluable skill to have while navigating the workplace.
Take Time to Self-Reflect:
Before you address the conflict and sources of your frustration, take a moment to practice mindfulness and self-awareness. Evaluating your role in the exchange is an important first step. The goal has to be less about being right and more about finding a resolution that will benefit you later. Being willing to accept accountability can be uncomfortable but it also allows you to assert personal autonomy by deciding that you’ll do what’s aligned with the best interest of your future.
Remain Professional:
Dealing with disrespectful or unprofessional behavior at work is annoying and honestly, no one should have to do it. However, no matter how your co-worker is behaving, remember that your professional reputation is on the line. Keep the discussion on track by keeping the conversation on topic, don’t get personal, and keep your end of the discussion free of negativity, and profane language.
Stay Calm:
Your ability to stay grounded and remain calm can make a difference in how things turn out in conflict resolution. Take a moment to gather your thoughts, remind yourself to breathe, and as you start to speak or if things aren’t going as expected, stay calm and centered. Responding with your emotions elevated almost always guarantees a negative response that won't benefit you. Your response can have an impact on your job, your reputation, and other areas of your life. Keep your cool and stay in control of yourself.
Evaluate The Situation and Set Boundaries:
Assessing the situation and identifying the root of the conflict if critical. At times, it's just a miscommunication. Other times, it can be a creative difference, someone else’s fight against you for power (even if you are unaware), or unclear direction from upper management that leads to you and your colleagues butting heads. Knowing what the actual root cause is, can help you to convey a clear and intentional message. Establishing boundaries instead early on can keep everyone safe and show your composure and professionalism. Pro tip: You never have to raise your voice to make your point. Speak softly and stand firm.
Practice Active Listening:
Using active listening skills can be a crucial asset for resolving an issue. Active listening provides an opportunity to hear what the other person is saying and can be used to de-escalate conflict, disarm a defensive individual, and allow you to find common ground.
“I” Conveys Impact:
It's possible that you feel offended or you may find your colleague's behavior unprofessional and annoying. “I” statements help convey what you feel and the impact things have on you. It allows autonomy over your feelings and your own emotions. This is a power play that allows you to take your power back.“I” statements remove blame and this helps to further disarm the conflict. Using a statement like, “I feel like my time isn’t respected when meetings don’t start on time and this also puts me behind on other obligations and commitments” does more to disarm the conflict instead of saying, “You’re always late to meetings and it's so inconsiderate”. “I” statements do more for your cause and open the conversation up in a different way.
Find Common Ground & There Lies A Resolution:
Another way to potentially de-escalate and disarm the conflict is to find common ground. We can find ourselves at a point where we no longer want the resolution, we just want to be vindicated. The desire for justice is understandable and absolutely normal to experience in such a situation. If you’re open to it, finding common ground can convey the message that you are seeking a resolution and ending to the current conflict that is disrupting your peace. If you find the common ground, you and your colleague can collaborate on how you want to approach the resolution and this may allow an opportunity for a fresh start.
Knowing When To Let Go and Move On:
Not all conflicts can be resolved. If the conflict is minor, it may not even be worth holding onto. The energetic cost might not be worth it in the end but that is for you to decide. Depending on the nature of the conflict, whether or not a resolution is possible, and what has transpired, mediation may be a necessary next step. Things can get tricky when it comes to work politics but it may be beneficial to have someone bear witness to your attempt. If that is not an option, it may be time to consider the fact that maybe, you’ve done all you could to resolve it. It may be time to dust off your resume, connect with your network, and find a supportive therapist to help you process things and prepare to move on.
Conflict can only be resolved if both parties desire resolution, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t move on.
You may find yourself in a situation where no matter what you do, it doesn’t play out how you envisioned. You then may have to consider if this is still an environment that is conducive to your personal and professional well-being. No one should have to endure abuse at work, be subjected to intentional micro-aggressions, or be discredited and mistreated at work. The unfortunate truth is, it happens, especially to people of color in the workplace. Studies as recent as 2024 speak directly to this problem and the common perpetrators who often get rewarded for their misbehavior (Berdahl and Bhattacharyya). Speaking with a licensed therapist can provide a non-judgmental space to clear your mind, be validated, develop coping skills, and map out a plan that honors you. Whatever you decide, center it around your well-being and personal growth and don’t be afraid to lean on others for support.
Reference
Berdahl, J. L., & Bhattacharyya, B. (2024). Do White Women Gain Status for Engaging in Anti-black Racism at Work? An Experimental Examination of Status Conferral: JBE. Journal of Business Ethics, 193(4), 839-858.
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