When You’re the “Single Friend”: How to Enjoy Your Waiting Season
Many younger millennials and older Gen Z’s are officially adulting. They’re working their big-girl and big-boy jobs, paying grown folks’ bills, and taking on major life responsibilities like becoming spouses, parents, and homeowners. These mid-to-late twenty-something years can feel like a flurry of milestones—and it can seem like everyone is hitting them except you.
So, what happens when you're not? When Hinge is dry, the dating pool feels polluted, and all your talking stages ended in heartbreak? What happens when you’re the only one in the group chat not shopping for engagement rings or planning a wedding hashtag?
It can feel lonely. It can feel like something is wrong with you. The FOMO is real, and the comparison game is brutal.
In a society that glamorizes bridal showers, proposals, and fairytale weddings, singleness can feel like a curse. But while these feelings are valid, they aren’t necessarily true. The pain of singleness is real—but staying stuck in that narrative can trap you in fruitless dating patterns, self-doubt, and emotional paralysis. Our emotions influence our thoughts, and our thoughts shape our behaviors (Beck, 2011). The way we think about singlehood can impact how we show up in relationships—or avoid them altogether.
If you’re in a “waiting season,” here are 5 tips to help you make the most of it and maybe even enjoy it:
1. Pursue Self-Development and Inner Healing
Before we focus on finding “the one,” it’s worth asking—am I becoming the person I would want to be with? Self-reflection is the foundation of emotionally healthy relationships. This is the perfect time to invest in therapy to process past heartbreaks, childhood trauma, or patterns rooted in insecure attachment styles (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016).
Therapy can also help reframe negative thoughts around singleness, build self-worth, and cultivate emotional regulation. Whether through journaling, reading, or professional help, personal growth during singlehood enhances relationship readiness and overall wellbeing (Aron et al., 2013).
💡 Try this: Make a “personal growth bucket list” for your single season—books to read, classes to take, places to travel solo.
2. Lean Into Purpose and Passion
You are not incomplete because you’re not in a relationship. Some of the most impactful people in history—Jesus, Mother Teresa, Coco Chanel, Isaac Newton—were not married and lived lives of purpose.
Living a purposeful life is strongly associated with psychological resilience and well-being (Ryff & Singer, 2008). Finding meaning through career, creativity, faith, or service helps reframe singleness as a season of building rather than waiting. The truth is, your value doesn’t lie in your relationship status—it lies in who you are and how you show up in the world.
💡 Try this: Volunteer for a cause you care about. Purpose-driven activities have been linked to lower levels of depression and higher life satisfaction (Krause, 2007).
3. Practice Gratitude and Celebrate Others
Gratitude has been shown to increase overall happiness, reduce stress, and improve relationships—even when you're not in one (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). It also helps counteract the envy or sadness that can arise when others seem to be moving faster than you.
Try shifting your focus to what you do have—supportive friendships, physical health, career success, spiritual growth, and time. Yes, time. Time to travel, rest, explore hobbies, and build a life that’s rich and meaningful with or without a partner.
Celebrating others authentically can also boost your own sense of joy and connection. Studies show that sharing in others’ joy increases your own positive emotions (Gable et al., 2006).
💡 Try this: Keep a gratitude journal with three entries daily. Note one thing you’re grateful for, one thing you’re proud of, and one win you celebrated for someone else.
4. Date With Intention, Not Desperation
Dating should be fun—but it should also be intentional. Setting boundaries around time, communication, and emotional investment can save you from unnecessary heartache or "chopping breakfast" (iykyk). Clarifying your non-negotiables and dating goals can help you avoid cycles of attachment to emotionally unavailable partners.
Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re bridges to healthier connections. They promote autonomy, reduce relational anxiety, and foster mutual respect (Hall, 2019). Even something like having a dating budget can prevent emotional burnout and keep dating enjoyable, not draining.
💡 Try this: Write a “dating values” list—what matters most to you in a relationship—and revisit it monthly.
5. Stay Realistic and Avoid the Comparison Trap
Social media can make it seem like everyone is in perfect relationships—while you’re stuck with failed talking stages and ghosting. But remember: most people only post the highlight reel.
Unrealistic expectations, fueled by TikTok hot takes and Instagram proposals, can distort our views on relationships. Comparison often leads to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and discontent (Appel, Gerlach, & Crusius, 2016).
Instead, stay grounded in what’s realistic for you. Real love takes time, patience, effort, and growth—on both sides.
💡 Try this: Take a break from social media for a week. Note how your self-perception and mood shift.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Behind
Singleness is not a punishment—it’s an opportunity. A season to heal, to grow, to explore, and to prepare. You’re not behind. You’re not forgotten. You’re not less worthy.
In this “waiting season,” choose to live fully. Build a life you love—and when the right person comes along, they’ll be blessed to join you in it.
References
Appel, H., Gerlach, A. L., & Crusius, J. (2016). The interplay between Facebook use, social comparison, envy, and depression. Current Opinion in Psychology, 9, 44–49. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2015.10.006
Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E. N., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. E. (2013). Couples' shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 273–284. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.78.2.273
Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.377
Gable, S. L., Gonzaga, G. C., & Strachman, A. (2006). Will you be there for me when things go right? Supportive responses to positive event disclosures. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91(5), 904–917. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.91.5.904
Hall, C. W. (2019). Boundaries in dating: Making dating work. Zondervan.
Krause, N. (2007). Longitudinal study of social support and meaning in life. Psychology and Aging, 22(3), 456–469. https://doi.org/10.1037/0882-7974.22.3.456
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Ryff, C. D., & Singer, B. (2008). Know thyself and become what you are: A eudaimonic approach to psychological well-being. Journal of Happiness Studies, 9(1), 13–39. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-006-9019-0
