“Secrets, Silence, and Spirituality”: 3 Things I’ve Learned as a Nigerian Therapist Working With Nigerian Clients

On Immigration, Identity, and Healing in the Diaspora

As a first-generation Nigerian-American and a licensed therapist, I hold a unique vantage point—one foot rooted in cultural understanding, the other grounded in clinical training. In more recent years, I’ve had the honor of walking with Nigerian clients through stories of pain, resilience, and rediscovery. I’ve noticed repeating themes—patterns born of shared cultural experiences and compounded by the complexities of immigration, faith, and family.

In therapy, and even more recently on Peas In A Podcast, I’ve been exploring these intersections with honesty and hope. Here are three things I’ve learned from working with Nigerian clients—lessons that reflect not only clinical trends but the soul of our shared experience in the diaspora.

1. Secrets, Silence, and Self-Protection Are Cultural Coping Mechanisms

In many Nigerian homes, silence is taught as safety. Secrets are kept to protect the family name, maintain dignity, or avoid judgment. Withholding the full truth becomes second nature—especially for children who grow up navigating complex family hierarchies, gender roles, and social expectations.

So when Nigerian clients enter therapy, this learned secrecy often comes with them. They might downplay the extent of their struggles, intellectualize their pain, or appear “in denial.” But these behaviors aren’t about avoidance—they’re protective habits developed in a culture where emotional transparency wasn’t safe or acceptable.

🔍 Clinical Insight: Research supports that individuals from collectivist cultures often suppress distressing emotions to preserve family reputation and harmony (Sue & Sue, 2016). But therapy invites a new narrative—where vulnerability is strength, and healing begins with honesty.

2. Immigration Is Often a Silent Trauma

This was a major theme I unpacked in my podcast conversation with Tosan and Moyo on Peas In A Podcast’s 50th episode, “Can Immigration Be a Traumatic Experience?”

Many Nigerian immigrants—and especially first-gen children—carry invisible wounds from the migration journey. Some left behind lives of privilege in Nigeria, only to feel disoriented, downgraded, and displaced in the West. The adjustment can feel like a loss of identity, status, and connection. And yet, when these feelings are voiced, they’re often met with invalidation: “At least you’re in America.” “Be grateful.”

The result? Emotional suppression. Many of us bury the grief of what was left behind, the anxiety of adapting, and the pressure of making the sacrifice “worth it.” Therapy becomes one of the only places where these stories are allowed to surface and be held with compassion.

🔍 Clinical Insight: Acculturative stress and migration trauma can have long-term effects on mental health, especially when left unacknowledged (Pumariega et al., 2005). Children of immigrants often carry complex emotional burdens—what researchers call the “immigrant paradox.”

3. Religious Trauma Is Widespread—But Often Unnamed

Religion is woven into the fabric of Nigerian culture. Faith communities provide belonging, identity, and meaning—but they can also be sites of fear, guilt, and emotional harm.

I’ve worked with clients carrying deep spiritual confusion. They’ve been told that depression is a lack of faith, that therapy is unbiblical, or that suffering is a form of spiritual testing. For some, even naming their emotions feels unsafe, because their religious upbringing equated feelings with sinfulness or rebellion.

In therapy, we explore these tensions—unpacking harmful beliefs while preserving what still feels sacred. We hold space for grief, spiritual questions, and reclamation. Healing doesn’t mean abandoning faith—it means integrating it in ways that support mental wellness, not suppress it.

🔍 Clinical Insight: Religious trauma often goes undiagnosed, but it can present as anxiety, shame, people-pleasing, and chronic self-doubt. Research shows that integrating culturally responsive and spiritually sensitive approaches in therapy improves outcomes for religious clients (Cashwell & Young, 2011).

Healing That Honors Culture

If you are Nigerian or part of the African diaspora and struggling with mental health, I want you to know this:

Your pain is valid, even if others have minimized it.

Your story is worth telling, even if you were taught to keep quiet.
Your healing matters—not just for you, but for generations after you.

Therapy can be a space to explore your identity, unpack your trauma, and reconnect with yourself. You don’t have to choose between your culture and your healing. You can have both.

🎧 Listen to the Episode:
Catch the full conversation on Peas In A Podcast — Can Immigration Be A Traumatic Experience?

References

• Cashwell, C. S., & Young, J. S. (2011). Integrating spirituality and religion into counseling: A guide to competent practice. American Counseling Association.

• Pumariega, A. J., Rothe, E., & Pumariega, J. B. (2005). Mental health of immigrants and refugees. Community Mental Health Journal, 41(5), 581–597.

• Sue, D. W., & Sue, D. (2016). Counseling the culturally diverse: Theory and practice (7th ed.). John Wiley & Sons.