3 Essentials for Cultivating Trustworthiness in Relationships

Trustworthiness isn’t just a “nice to have” in relationships—it’s the very structure that holds connection together. As human beings, we carry messages, behaviors, and emotional patterns between each other. In healthy relationships, this exchange happens within a framework of safety and mutual respect.

From a Restoration Therapy perspective, trustworthiness develops when individuals align their behavior with truth (about themselves and their relationships) and act consistently in ways that protect both themselves and others. Narrative Therapy reminds us that trustworthiness is not only a personal trait but a relational story—one that is built, reinforced, and retold through our actions over time.

Here are three essentials for building trustworthiness in any relationship.

1. Predictability

Predictability is the sense that, more often than not, we know how a person will respond to us. It’s not about perfection—it’s about consistency. When people and relationship patterns are predictable, our nervous system feels safe. This stability allows us to engage openly and vulnerably without bracing for emotional whiplash (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016).

In contrast, unpredictable behaviors—hot one day, cold the next—can activate relational anxiety. Over time, this unpredictability may lead us to become avoidant, withdrawing to protect ourselves from further instability.

As a therapist, I often help clients identify the predictable and unpredictable patterns in their relationships. From a Solution-Focused lens, we look at exceptions—moments when trust and consistency were present—and explore how to repeat them more often.

2. Fairness (Justice in the Relationship)

Trustworthy relationships maintain a fair and balanced give-and-take. This doesn’t mean keeping score—it means recognizing that mutual contribution is the lifeblood of connection. In healthy partnerships, both people contribute and both are nourished.

When fairness erodes, relationships drift toward two extremes:

• Manipulation – using indirect means to get what we feel we deserve.

• Withdrawal – pulling back completely, refusing to invest.

From a Restoration Therapy stance, fairness aligns with the commitment to protect others from harm while being responsible for one’s own needs. Narrative Therapy can help partners rewrite the “fairness story” of their relationship, shifting from “I have to take what’s mine” to “We are both invested in meeting each other’s needs.”

3. Openness (Transparency and Honesty)

Openness is the willingness to live without secrets that could jeopardize predictability or fairness. It’s about being forthright in ways that prevent relational harm. Transparency creates space for safety and connection to deepen (Knobloch et al., 2013).

Without openness, we may guard ourselves, give less, or focus on protecting against “what ifs.” Our energy goes toward self-protection rather than intimacy.

In therapy, cultivating openness often means helping clients identify and communicate truths they’ve been avoiding—truths that, once shared, can relieve the unspoken tension that eats away at trust.

Reflection Questions

• Where do I feel unsafe in my relationships?

• How can I practice greater predictability, fairness, and openness?

• What story do I want my partner, friend, or family member to tell about my trustworthiness?

Final Thought

Faithfulness and trustworthiness are not built in a single moment—they’re shaped through thousands of small, consistent choices. When we commit to predictability, fairness, and openness, we become trustworthy not just in our actions, but in the story others carry about us. And that story can become the foundation for a resilient, life-giving relationship.

Every couple has the capacity to rebuild trust and strengthen their connection. Together, we can create the safety and stability your relationship needs to thrive. Click here to book a free consultation with me.

References

Hargrave, T. D., & Pfitzer, F. (2011). Restoration therapy: Understanding and guiding healing in marriage and family therapy. Routledge.

Knobloch, L. K., Miller, L. E., Bond, B. J., & Mannone, A. (2013). Relational uncertainty and message features of relationship talk: A diary study of channel use. Communication Monographs, 80(4), 403–424. https://doi.org/10.1080/03637751.2013.828150

Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.